


The Internet is a beautiful place

by hazelandglasz



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Cooking Lessons, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Pornstars, Vloggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-01-04 10:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelandglasz/pseuds/hazelandglasz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by two gifsets that appeared in quick succession on my dash<br/>Kurt is a super famous porn star who likes to cook in his free time, watching Blaine Anderson cooking web serie.<br/> Meanwhile, when he needs a little “me and my hand” time, Blaine logs onto Kurt’s channel</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This might be super cracktastic but the idea is fun  
> The first chapter is how I'm installing it, but if you have any suggestion along the way, come see me on my tumblr (hazelandglasz)

”Ah, cookies !”

Kurt reads the title of the video, already rubbing his hands.

He loves cooking whenever he gets a day off from work - it gets his mind off his troubles -, and he’s found the perfect “teacher”.

"Cooking with Blaine", a Youtube channel with a perfectly delectable young chef showing him (and his thousands of viewers) how to make the most perfect cookies and soufflés, how to perfectly flip each and every crêpe and omelette, and all the tricks for a smooth, delicious buttercream.

Blaine Anderson is pretty easy on the eye, and if sometimes Kurt lets a recipe burn in the oven because he pressed ‘pause’ on a particularly good view of the young man’s perfect behind, he can’t say that he’s really sorry about it.

The smell of burnt goods is totally worth it.

Sometimes he invites guests, other cooking vloggers, and one of them is an hilarious young Asian girl who specializes in fusion cooking, and she always sneaks a pinch at said behind, claiming that her love for muffins overwhelmed her when Blaine throws her what he must think are frightening glares (he just looks like a pissed off puppy).

And if sometimes, during his job, he thinks that Blaine’s ass would be a lot better to grab on that his colleague’s, at least it keeps him … motivated.

—-

Blaine loves his video channel on Youtube.

He loves sharing the passion for cooking his grandmother and his father gave him, he loves teaching the “coup de main” some recipes require, but most of all, he loves when some people send him messages saying that they tried his little secrets, his trademarks recipes and it was a success, thanking him and all that jazz.

It’s extremely rewarding, as far as he’s concerned.

Speaking of reward, after the mammoth of a recipe he just recorded (in a couple of days, after editing, his followers will know what is the big secret behind perfect macarons), Blaine thinks he has earned himself a little prize.

In the shape of him, his bedroom, his bed, a bottle of lube and a box of tissues.

And his laptop.

And his favorite “pornhubber” - Porcelain.

Though Blaine is pretty sure that it’s not his real name.

The pornstar is Blaine’s favorite for a long, never-ending list of reasons.

He’s tall and shaped like a swimmer, for one.

He has the most delicious freckles on his face and back.

He has an hilarious tattoo that doesn’t make any sense and is perfect.

He has loooong legs that Blaine wants to either straddle of wrap around his neck, and th most gorgeous ass Blaine has ever seen.

He has the most gorgeous eyes that sparkle whenever the camera zooms on his face, particularly when he has a cock between his lips - don’t get Blaine started on Porcelain’s lips.

He could write a poem about his lips.

And then there is his voice.

Whenever he bottoms, Porcelain’s noises of pleasure are not fake like some other actors on the website. He looks truly ecstatic, and his higher register voice goes from dropping low, so low Blaine feels like it’s traveling down his body from his laptop’s speakers, to reaching high notes some singers would be thankful for.

Blaine doesn’t know which of the factors on said list is the most compelling, but the result is the same : he doesn’t even need to look for new videos for his “me” (“and my hand”) time, Porcelain’s channel is the first one to come hub whenever he logs into the website.

One might say that he has a small addiction.

One would change ones mind after watching the tall, strong man perform.

And one can go fuck oneself with a cactus if they don’t like it, in Blaine’s opinion.

TBC ?


	2. … And sometimes, vloggers get together - AKA Vidcon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly i have never been to Vidcon soooo ...  
> Writer's poetic license ;)

(From the official Vidcon website)  
Why get a booth? It’s your opportunity to showcase your company, product, personality, or your cat Fluffy in front of over 15,000 attendees, creators, industry professionals and random parents who are chaperoning the event. Thanks again to everyone who made the expo hall such a huge success last year!  
Interested in becoming an Exhibitor at VidCon? That’s a super-easy click away: Buy a Booth !

"Blaine, we have to get one !"  
Blaine looks up from the pot - his boeuf bourguignon is not going to cook itself, now is it ? - to glare at Tina.  
"I’m not going to Vidcon."  
"Why ?"  
"There are people !" Blaine exclaims, sprinkling some fleur de sel Sebastian brought back a couple of months ago from Brittany.

The French region, not Tina’s associate.  
Tina shakes her head at him, setting the camera over the counter to catch the simmer inside the pot without being troubled by the fumes (and definitely licking her lips as said fumes reach her nose). “You’re being ridiculous! Everybody loves your channel, you have fans and colleagues - think a little, without YoutubeFair Fest, we wouldn’t have met !”  
"And no one would be bothering me while I’m beating Julia Child’s bourguignon," Blaine smirks, looking down before blowing her a kiss as she huffs."  
"Your sponsors need you - need us - to get a booth, Blainey-days," she insists and Blaine switches out the fire underneath the pot before putting his hands on the counter.  
"Eurgh."  
"I knooow," Tina coos, mentally clapping her hands like some sort of circus seal, "but it will be fun."  
Blaine sighs some more before giving her a crooked smile. “So, who’s coming ?”  
—-  
"I’m gonna, oh, Porcelain, I’m coming, I -ugh," Elliott moans in the crook of Kurt’s neck, and Kurt fastens the movement of his hand around his cock to make sure that a beautiful shot of twin ejaculations is going to get caught by the camera.  
"Perfect, guys," Artie says, rolling away from his screens, "that was a golden shot."  
"At least it wasn’t a golden shower", Elliott huffs in Kurt’s neck before lightly kissing the sweat away. Kurt giggles as he cracks his neck and rolls his shoulders, standing up from the soiled couch.  
"You two are definitely my best actors, you know that ?" Artie says, coming closer to them as they wipe their bodies with towels and put robes on their bodies.  
Kurt and Elliott exchange a look and a smirk - they do know, they go to the channel to see their stats, like everybody else.  
"Speaking of which, " Artie continues, "you two are going to be my companions for VidCon."  
"Companions ?" Elliott asks and Kurt rolls his eyes - he’s far too familiar with their boss’ geeky tendencies.  
"Just so we’re clear, if you’re the Doctor, I’m Amy," he says and Elliott looks confused before his eyes widen. "Does that make me Rory ?!"  
—-  
Blaine feels like he’s simultaneously living a nightmare and his very special brand of Christmas.  
Maybe the Doctor feels that way most of the time.  
There are so many people - both professionals and visitors - all enthusiastic about the new medium that is the Vlog …  
Blaine knew that the video-blogging community was large and diverse, but now that he’s here with Tina - Brittany and Sebastian stayed in New York to deal with the different questions asked during the Convention - he can see that he could broaden his horizon.  
Several Japanese cooking blogs are here, and Tina is in the middle of a discussion about “Frenchizing” a ramen recipe. While he’s at it, he might as well see if there is a way to “Japanize” some of his sweet recipes - maybe use red beans in an entremet or in a macaron ?  
Either way, he’s definitely going to set up a connection between him and Kanako - peanut butter for green tea, best deal he could ever make.  
Tina runs to him to tell him to circulate with a plate of cookies and cards from their blogs, and he’s more than happy to oblige - it’s all so big and he feels so small, he needs to … move.  
Blaine smiles at all the people he meets, blushing when someone tells him that they actually follow his culinary adventures, when a red flag attracts his eye.  
"Adult Section of the Con - Must be 18+ to come through".  
A sudden emotion goes through his mind and body.  
Maybe …  
Nah.  
But maybe …  
Brain, shut up.  
That’s not your brain talking.  
Ok, so maybe Porcelain and some of his colleagues from PornHubHub will be here ?  
Taking a deep breath, Blaine walks through the entrance, using one hand to push the curtain and one hand to steady the plate of cookies.  
Even porn vloggers can have a sweet tooth, can’t they ?  
TBC ?


	3. ... And sometimes, cookies make everything better

Kurt hates that red curtain.

It feels like one of those cliché accessories in a film noir, separating what is right and what should remain hidden.

Porn is healthy and they shouldn’t be treated like something to be ashamed of.

But it’s the policy of the convention, to make sure that the little children don’t stumble on a Naughty Santa on their day through the aisle.

Kurt lets out a deep sigh.

Speaking of little children and beings who have to be controlled, where the fuck is Elliott ?

His “partner” told him that he was just going to walk around to advertise their own channel and check the timing of the pannel they have been invited to - Porn Vlog : A hobby or an Educative tool - but this was almost an hour ago.

That fucker.

Not even taking in consideration the fact that a lot of people are bid fans of Starchild, or of the two of them together (people “ship” them ? They have a “ship name” ? Starlain ?), but it leaves him basically alone to answer all the questions, from the fans of from other “adult networks”.

That. Fucker.

"K-Porcelain !"

Ah, at last Elliott deigns coming back. And he almost blew it by using his real name.

What is he holding ?

"I just met the most delectable young man - on all account !" Elliott is babbling, holding a large napkin filled with …

"Are those cookies ?" Kurt asks, eyes wide.

"The most delicious cookies to ever grace this planet," Elliott confirms, taking another bite of what looks like a cranberries, raspberries and white chocolate swirl cookie with an obscene moan.

Well, at least that earns them another dozen people coming closer to the stand - Elliott’s moans really should be recorded to explain what is porn.

"Explain," Kurt says, snatching a cookie from Elliott’s grip and earning himself an indignant glare as he starts munching on it.

Then he stops half munch.

Because heknowsthose cookies.

He knows that balance of sweet and sour, with the use of salt to enhance all the tastes.

"Where did you say you got them ?" he asks, and for a moment, Elliott looks disgusted by him for speaking with his mouth full, but then again, he has seen him with his mouth full of things way grosser than that cookie.

"That guy," Elliott starts, blue eyes sparkling, "he’s walking the aisle with a plate of different cookies, giving them away with his vlog’s card, and he looks so precious, like he was the one receiving gifts !" he suddenly exclaims, throwing his hand in the air (the other craddles the cookies against his chest). "You should see him, he looks like a bona fide 1950s dreamboat !"

"Let me take a guess," Kurt asks, keeping his voice steady even though the army of butterflies in this stomach coming to life, "the channel is called ‘Cooking with Blaine Anderson’ ?"

Elliott bats his eyelashes - and several men standing on the sides swoon. “How do you know ?”

Kurt pulls Elliott closer. “That’s the guy I told you about. Remember those gratin dauphinois I brought to set the other week ?”

"That’s him ?!"

"That’s him."

Elliott looks at him, obviously calculating, before smacking Kurt’s ass. “When I left, he was managing an attack from the Amazons - go get him !” he says, pointing at the ladies’ part of this part of the convention.

Kurt winks at him, blowing him a kiss as he skips away, turning his steps into a full run when he’s out of sight from his “fans”.

If he can, he’s going to meet Blaine Anderson in the flesh.


	4. … And sometimes, cookies give Fate a hand

Blaine is having fun.

He feels like his face is going to set the booths on fire, but he's having fun.

First, he practically ran into Starchild, his second favorite male performer on the Porn Hub Hub channel, and the man is just … sweet.

Really, on screen, and particularly paired with Porcelain, Starchild lives up to his stage name and glows. But in the flesh (and what glorious flesh), dressed down in a simple red sweater and a tight pair of jeans, the man really is friendly, his blue eyes sparkling when he looked at the cookies in Blaine's hand.

Blaine was so charmed that he let him take a couple to take back to their booth - he makes a mental note about the number of it (21D, he won't forget it) -, back to his partner.

Because Porcelain is there, now he knows it.

Blaine doesn't really have the time to dwell on it : the moment Starchild skips away (and that is truly a sight to behold), Blaine finds himself surrounded.

By gorgeous women.

He knows them, if only because Porn Hub Hub has organized round tables to talk about the fetishization of gay porn among the heterosexual population : they're the Amazons, and there is a particular couple that stands out.

As in, standing in front of Blaine right this moment.

"Aren't you the cutest ?" Snix, a brunette woman with long dark hair and long, long legs - even Blaine can appreciate their esthetic quality - coos at him, pinching his cheek before he can bat her hand away. "And what is your demographic, bears interested in school boys from the 1950s ?"

"Snix," her partner, a brunette with blue tipped-hair and a guitar-shaped body that goes by the name of Trebble, says with a fond eye-roll, "he's obviously not from this side of the curtain. Aren't you that cooking channel, Cooking with Wayne ?" she adds, turning to Blaine with a nice smile.

"Cooking with Blaine," Blaine corrects, a light blush covering his cheeks. She knows him.

One of the Amazons knows him and his channel.

"Snix," Trebble says excitedly, "remember that awesome Boeuf bourguignon I prepared last week ?"

A new sparkle appears in Snix's dark eyes and she nods excitedly. Blaine is amazed to see all of her snark vanish as she focuses on her partner - it's adorable.

"Well, you have this young man to thank for it - and are those your cookies ?" Trebble explains, before opening wide eyes as she zeroes on the plate. 

"The cookiegasm ?" Snix asks and Blaine has to control himself to keep from giggling.

"Well, I wouldn't know about that, but yeah, those are the -" Blaine starts but the moment he confirms that those are his cookies, they practically launch themselves at him to grab a couple, "- cranberries, strawberries and white chocolate cookies."

"Back off, girls, let him breathe."

Blaine looks up at that voice, feeling like a meerkat in the middle of the savanna.

Sure enough, Porcelain is walking toward them, looking every bit the predator and Blaine wouldn't mind being the prey.

"Porcelain, if you think you're going to steal the goods from us …" Snix warns him, but the tall man pulls her into a hug.

"You can take the cookies, Snix," he says playfully, "I'll take the cookie man - if he wants to, that is," he adds, cocking his head at Blaine and he can't help himself.

"Oh boy, do I," he blurts out and immediately closes his eyes, and the girls start giggling helplessly, each taking three cookies in their hands before leaving them.

"Can I rewind what just happened ?" Blaine mutters and he cracks open one eye when Porcelain lets out a little laugh. It's soft, and gentle, and Blaine wants it to be his ringtone.

"It's alright," he says, "it's flattering to have such a nice looking man acting a little flustered because of little old me."

Blaine smiles shyly at him, and a second or two are spent in silence, the two men looking bashfully at each other. Blaine cuts out the charm by holding up the plate toward the other man.

"Cookie ?"

Kurt's eyes literally sparkle as he beams at him. "Well, Starchild just brought some back, but I would be a very stupid fool to turn one of those down, wouldn't I ?"

Blaine doesn't say anything, trying to commit that image to memory : his … well, let's be honest, his crush is eating a cookie Blaine made and his whole posture changes as he munches on it.

To be honest, Blaine has seen that face in the past.

On his screen, when the man is about to come in long, white ...

Oh God, he really should call them cookiegasm.

"I tried to make them myself, you know," the other man says, tapping the half-cookie against his chin. "But they were not that soft and crunchy at the same time - are you some kind of wizard ?"

Blaine laughs, and he can see Porcelain's eyes following the path of his blush. "I'm showing everything on the videos, I promise - did you sift the flour, like I said at the beginning of the recipe ?" he asks and the other man frowns.

"I bought it and it said sifted flour on the package," he replies and Blaine shakes his head with a grimace. 

"You really need to sift it again before using it, that's the only way to get the crunchy exterior," he explains and Porcelain nods, taking another bite of it, his eyes fluttering close as he moans.

Blaine's blush intensifies at the sound and he can see the other man's smile turn into a smirk.

"Not that I don't appreciate the visit from someone from the other side of that blasted curtain, and if you don't mind me asking, why did you come to the dark side ?" he asks and Blaine sputters, feeling like scuffing his shoes to the floor.

"I …," he hesitates before deciding to go for honesty. "I wanted to see if I could meet … you."

Porcelain's face turns a nice shade of pink and it's his turn to act bashful, eyes to the ground. "Oh."

"I … there is no point in denying that I'm a fan of your work, but not just the … oh God, not just the porn side of it," Blaine tries to explain, mentally begging for someone to kill him now or for some aliens to abduct him. "I really feel like you're a talented performer, and I know that I would be a fan of yours even in other genres."

The tall man is still blushing, but there is something akin to an incredulous happiness in his eyes as he looks at Blaine putting his foot in his mouth. "You … You do ?"

Blaine smiles at him and gives a little shrug. "I just do."

\---

The plate is completely cleaned, and Kurt's phone keeps on beeping.

Elliott must be getting antsy - or maybe it's Artie who is getting nervous - or maybe it's Santana who decides to be a major pain in the ass.

The thing is ...

The thing is, Kurt doesn't want to walk away from Blaine.

The man in the videos was charming, nice, passionate about cooking and about sharing his knowledge.

The man he's talking with is charming, nice, passionate, devastatingly handsome, and Kurt never wants to say goodbye to him.

"Oh, geez," Blaine says, and isn't that just adorable, "I have to go back to my booth - Tina needs me back," he explains, and he looks just as disappointed as Kurt feels.

"Listen, Blaine," Kurt says before he can stop himself, "I - I don't know if it's considered normal or anything but I -- I really want to continue this conversation."

That's not what he meant. He hopes Blaine can hear what he meant.

_I want to stay with you. I want to be with you. I never want to leave you._

How is it possible to feel that way with a stranger he has admittedly only seen on his screen ?

"I'd really like that," Blaine replies, his amber eyes soft and sparkling. "Here, that's the channel's card, which you don't need, but there is my cell number on it," he adds, pulling a card from his breast pocket.

"Thank you," Kurt says softly. "I will call you."

Blaine's smiles turns a little seductive and wow, it's hot in here. "You better," he whispers as he leaves, twirling the empty plate above his head like a hula-hoop on his way out.

Kurt stands stupid for a full minute, the card in his hand and his eyes stuck on where Blaine left.

Damn.

Blaine's ass is even more fascinating out of the screen.


	5. Epilogue

Two years after their first meeting at VidCon

 

“Hi guys!”

Blaine waves at the camera while Kurt gets progressively less blurry, walking next to him.

“You might recognize my sous-chef du jour,” Blaine continues, nodding towards Kurt, “from a different channel though.”

“Not so different,” Kurt interjects as he ties his apron around his waist.

“Oh really?”

“Really.”

Blaine frowns at the camera, as if taking the audience aside. “Can you believe this guy?”

Kurt shrugs before ducking under the counter and out of the camera.

He reemerges with a bowl containing the same ingredients Blaine placed in front of him earlier. “Food porn, actual porn, it’s always porn you know,” Kurt says, winking at the camera.

Blaine opens his mouth and closes it with a nod of acceptance. “Anyway, back to the topic of this video,” he says, and with a synchronization that had to be rehearse, the two men pick up an egg and crack it in the bowl. “I have to announce that Cooking with Blaine is … Over.”

“Fini,” Kurt adds helpfully while sprinkling sugar in his bowl.

“But fear not,” Blaine continues, pouring sugar in his bowl and reaching to pour some more in Kurt’s, “because rising from the ashes of my previous engagement, let us introduce …”

Both duck under the counter, coming back up holding a frosted cake.

“ _The Cure To Loneliness_ ” is written in a beautiful cursive in the frosting.

“The Cure To Loneliness,” Kurt announces as Blaine exits the frame to pick up a knife and cut slices, “a vlog that will hopefully give you recipes for a happy stomach--”

“--And happy relationships!” Blaine adds, holding up a piece of cake for Kurt to bite. “This episode is more for all of our fans who asked the two of us how we met, and how we got together, but leave us comments about what you want to see, cake or advice, and we will take it from here!”

Kurt tries speaking, but he obviously bit more than he could chew.

Blaine giggles and takes a delicate bite of the cake. “As a lot of you know, we met during VidCon in 2013, almost by accident, and thanks to a concoction some of you have dubbed cookiegasms…”


End file.
